Words Can Come Back And Bite

Comments made by the three major 2008 Presidential candidates and their spouses and supporters over the last few months are a reminder that we need to mean what we say and say what we mean. If we don't it is too easy for others, especially our opponents on issues, to misconstrue what was said as the following examples show.

#1
Michelle Obama--February 18, 2008: "People in this country are ready for change and hungry for a different kind of politics and...for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback." Note: Obama received rousing applause after making the comment.

February 20, 2008: Clarifying what she said, "What I was clearly talking about was that I'm proud in how Americans are engaging in the political process." When asked if she had always been proud of her country, she replied, "absolutely" and said she and her husband would not be where they are now if not for the opportunities of America.

Jen Psaki, Obama campaign spokeswoman: "...Michelle is proud of her country, which is why she and Barack talk constantly about how their story wouldn't be possible in any other nation on Earth. What she meant is that she's really proud at this moment because for the first time in a long time, thousands of American who've never participated in politics before are coming out in record numbers to build a grassroots movement for change."

Cindy McCain, wife of Pres. candidate John McCain, capitalized on Obama's remark by saying, "I have, and always will be, proud of my country.

Bill Kristol, Weekly Standard Editor: "I think the Democrats have to be careful..they're running against the status quo...You have to be careful not to let that slide into a kind of indictment of America. Because I don't think the American people think on the whole that the last 25 years of American history is a narrative of despair and nothing to be proud of."

#2
Sen.Barack Obama--May 22, 2008: After reiterating his respect for McCains' service in a speech on the Senate floor, Sen. Obama said, "He [John McCain] is one of those heroes which I speak, but I can't understand why he would line up behind the president in his opposition to this GI bill, I can't believe why he believes it is too generous to our veterans. I could not disagree with him and the president more on this issue. There are many issues that lend themselves to partisan posturing, but giving our veterans the chance to go to college should not be one of them."

Sen. John McCain's response: "Perhaps if Obama would take the time and trouble to understand this issue, he would learn to debate an honest disagreement respectfully, but, as he always does, he prefers impugning the motives of his opponent, and exploiting a thoughtful difference of opinion to advance his own ambitions." He also said, "And I will not accept from Senator Obama, who did not feel it was his responsibility to serve our country in uniform, any lectures on my regard for those who did." Note: McCain did not return to Washington, D. C. for the vote preferring to stay in California to campaign and raise money.

#3
Sen. John McCain at a rally in Stockdale, CA on May 22, 2008: "I have the knowledge and the experience and the judgment to lead this nation. My opponent does not." He then sarcastically praised Obama saying, "I admire and respect Sen. Obama. For a young man with very little experience, he's done very well. I appreciate his very great lack of experience and knowledge of the issue. He's been very successful." Note: A crowd of about 400 laughed.

#4
Sen. Hillary Clinton in an interview with the editorial board of the Argus Leader newspaper in Sioux Fall, S. D. on May 22, 2008: Explaining why she was staying in the Democratic race, Sen. Clinton said, "My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."

Bill Burton, chief spokesman for Obama campaign: "Senator Clinton's statement before the Argus Leader editorial board was unfortunate and has no place in this campaign."

Sen. Hillary Clinton's clarification of remark: "I regret that if my referencing that moment of trauma for our entire nation, and particularly for the Kennedy family, was in any way offensive. I certainly had no intention of that whatsoever."

Clinton aide: The New York Senator Clinton was merely giving "historical examples of the nominating process going well into the summer," and that reading anything further into her statement was "inaccurate and outrageous."

Mo Elleithee, Clinton campaign spokesperson: "She was simply referencing her husband in 1992 and Bobby Kennedy in 1968 as historic examples of the nominating process going well into the summer. Any reading into beyond that would be inaccurate."



In order for words to carry a message that will put one in a positive light it is crucial that words not carry a sarcastic tone that belittles others, even opponents. Even though others may laugh at the cleverness of the words it will always be somewhat of a nervous laugh because all people seem to instinctively know that using humor to belittle others lessens the credibility of the message bearer.


Even when extreme care is taken for words to convey the intended message it can still be misinterpreted. The three presidential candidates are politicians and two are lawyers so they are experts on word choice and inflection. Yet, even they commit "fau pauxs" and have make apologies and/or have gone back to clarify misunderstandings about what they said. Yet, in spite of the risks and the fact that words can come back and bite, they keep on speaking because they understand the importance of the message and the cause. Putting oneself on the line like this day after day takes a whole lot more courage than waiting until someone else makes a fau paux and then using that as an opportunity to critique the other person's words and/or to use the same words in a different way to make one's self look good.

Even though a speaker bears much responsibility for the words he or she says to convey the intended message the receiver of the message also bears a great responsibility which will be the topic of tomorrow's blog post.

One Would Think I Would Have Known Better!

As I have started to pay more attention and listen to the words I have been saying to myself and others I have been appalled. Over and over again in a whining and complaining manner I've been saying such things as, "Why won't people listen to what I have to share?" and "Why don't people want all that I know?" I have had the attitude that I know a lot about how to improve the education of Hispanic learners--After all, it has been my goal over the last 8 years or so to become an expert on this issue, and I have worked towards that goal paying a heavy price not only financially but with my time, energy, and emotions as well.

It wasn't until Dr. Scott Ferrin who is my professor, the chair of my doctoral committee, and most of all, my friend gently reminded me to be humble that I really heard what I had been saying.

One would think I would have known better! Many of my favorite books throughout my lifetime have been:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Norman Vincent Peale
• The 8th Habit by Stephen Covey
• How to Be A Woman of Influence by Pat Williams
• Influencer by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
• Plus many others!

The authors of these books would never recommend I complain and whine about people not listening to me. Although rereading those books might be helpful just reading the principles won't change a thing unless I apply them. Isn't that true of everything?!? It's the difference between being just knowledgeable and being wise.

Words Matter

Although 2008 presidential candidate Barack Obama admits that maybe he should have given his longtime friend and ally, Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, credit for the lines he used at his Milwaukee's Founder's Day Dinner on February 16th shouldn't take away from the point Obama was making: Words matter!

What Obama said: "Don't tell me words don't matter! 'I have a dream.' Just words. 'We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.' Just words. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself.' Just words. Just speeches. It's true that speeches don't solve all problems, but what is also true is if we cannot inspire the country to believe again than it doesn't matter how many policies and plans we have... Don't tell me that words don't matter."

Words have power. They can inspire, motivate, encourage, and even challenge us to be better and to take action. Great leadership historically has been about people who could put language to use to do just that.

All of us who want to inspire change must learn to use words in a powerful way--in our speaking and writing.

Our Own Personal "Hotel Rwanda"

On January 29, 2008 Paul Rusesabagina was BYU's forum speaker. Rusesabagina --often referred to as the Oskar Schindler of Africa--is the former general manager of the Mille Collines Hotel Rwanda which was made famous in the movie Hotel Rwanda. For 70 days in 1994 Rusesabagina sheltered refugees in this hotel saving the lives of 1200 people.

It is important to remember that these 1200 people were from a different ethnic group than Rusesabagina--people who were being called "cockroaches." Yet Rusesabagina was willing to be called a traitor and to risk losing his own life for them by standing against the prejudice and senseless violence. He felt that it wasn't the majority of people who hated each other so much as it was poor leadership that took advantage of differences in order to divide and conquer.

In his message at BYU he taught the importance of the following that he learned from his own experience:

• Dialogue: "The only thing that can bring people together is dialogue." "Instead of fighting violence and war with more violence, people should strive to increase dialogue." "Words can be the best weapon or the worst weapon in the human being's arsenal." "Whoever opens his or her mouth and is willing to discuss with you, you will always come up with an agreement. You will always come up with a compromise depending on how you deal with the situation." "As long as people don't consider each other, they will never get anywhere. As long as people are fighting for power...they will never get anywhere." Use verbal skills instead of resorting to violence.
• Hope: Never give up on hope.
• Stand up: "Stand up and do whatever you can to save the situation of the world." "Don't stand by. You can do something." "We should be aware of the problems and find our own solutions."

Rusesabagina entitled his presentation "Hotel Rwanda: A story yet to be told" because the story isn't over yet. Each of us can do our small part in making it a better story than it otherwise would be--not only for Rwanda but for our own corner of the world as well. As Rusesabagina says, "Whenever we think this is the end, I tell you, it is never the end. God always has a way to save his people."

Use Words to Unite

"Democracy is at its best when its practitioners use language to unite and explain rather than to divide and attack," advises Frank Luntz, author of Words That Work.

There is nothing quite so tempting for people on opposite sides of an issue to do than start attacking the opponent with word darts. Yet, this ineffective tactic needs to be avoided at all costs. First, it divides. Second, it inhibits the possibility of an intelligent debate about the issue. Third, it keeps people from working together and coming to a workable agreement. Fourth, the general public will eventually see this pettiness for what it is and withdraw their support.

When using this tactic one must not be deceived by the heads nodding in agreement. Those nodding heads already agree with you. They aren't the ones who need to be convinced.

It's true that the other side may never be convinced, but what is it that we want to achieve? --A win-lose situation or a win-win situation? And we need to ask ourselves, "Who do we want to win?" An example would be bilingual education. After the dust settles, who wins or loses from the debate? The answer is a child and his/her education.

If all debate can start from a bottom line premise, then it is a whole lot easier to arrive at that THIRD SPACE which is a win-win situation for everyone. When we run into problems is when the different sides have different bottom lines. Even in these scenarios it is critical to start the debate from a place of agreement.

More later about "words"