A Man [or Woman] for All Seasons

Yesterday I had the opportunity to watch one of my favorite movies, A Man for All Seasons, about Sir Thomas More. It was a reminder that standing by our principles and being true to our convictions often does not bring the rewards of man and sometimes even brings forth man's contempt along with dire consequences.

In 1535 King Henry V had Sir Thomas More beheaded for refusal to swear an oath that violated his beliefs--to state that he believed what he didn't believe. More held onto his convictions with steadfastness and courage and dignity during his imprisonment, trial, and execution. His final words on the scaffold were: "The King's good servant, but God's First."

It is as true today as it was for Sir Thomas More 473 years ago for each of us to have a deep understanding of true principles, base the way we live our lives upon those principles and convictions, and then be willing to face come what may in terms of consequences with courage and dignity...so that each of us can be known as Sir Thomas More was as a man [or woman] for all seasons.

It Was Out of Context

Over the last few days I have had the opportunity to listen to Rev. Jeremiah Wright, 2008 Presidential Candidate Barack Obama's pastor, do an interview with Bill Moyer's and give two different speeches, one for the NAACP and one for the Press Club. Plus, I downloaded the interview with Bill Moyer and read the transcript. Although I didn't agree 100% with everything that Rev. Wright said, I found that I couldn't write down fast enough all the words of wisdom coming from his heart--thoughts and insights I wanted to remember.

Therefore, it was extremely disconcerting to me to later hear his speech critiqued by newscasters who obviously could only give their audience soundbites from the speech. As I listened it was a reminder that making a judgment after only hearing snippets of a situation that takes what was said out of context can give the wrong impression and cause one to come to a wrong, if not dangerous, conclusion. I would have had a whole different perspective if all I knew about Rev. Wright's words was what I had learned from the newscast.

Is It I?

Whenever we have a problem in any relationship whether it is with a spouse, a friend, a colleague, a neighbor, or whoever, it would be wise to follow the example of Christ's 12 Apostles at the Last Supper. When Christ told them that one of them would betray Him, they didn't start pointing fingers as to who they thought the person would be. Instead each looked sorrowfully within himself and asked, "Is it I?" (Matthew 26:22)

When we respond to our problematic situations with a similar introspection it will be an opportunity to smooth away some rough edges on our character and avoid criticism which can only be divisive. People, and especially those who may be causing us some frustration, are not in our individual world by coincidence. They are in our world for our growth. If we complain and act like a martyr rather than take 95% of the responsibility for the problem, we'll miss an opportunity tailored just for us to refine our character.

I Was the Common Denominator

I was continuing to have a similar problem in a variety of different situations. The fact that I was the common denominator caused me to do a self-examination. Obviously there was a lesson to be learned that wasn't being learned.


I felt like Jonah who tried running away from the Lord's calling for him to go to Nineveh--something he didn't want to do--but he found that he couldn't hide or run away from the Lord's plans for him.

It's a reminder to me that it isn't the situation that needs to change. It is I who needs to change and/or accept the direction the Lord wants for my life. So rather than trying to find someone or something to blame for my discomfort I need to be asking, "What lesson am I suppose to be learning?"

You May Be Right!

As the immediate past president of an organization and still on the Executive Board I was having some frustrations with the current leadership's disregard for my recommendations but yet still wanting my help when it got in a bind. Rather than stew in my frustration I felt it was best to be assertive and express the frustration in as an honest and open way as I could.

My first mistake was probably relying on email to do this but relied on it as it was the only way the Executive Board was communicating. My second mistake was hoping that the current president would respond in a way different from her past track record. Although her response did follow a similar vein, her response did give me some food for thought upon which I have pondered.

In her response to me she said that she wouldn't "engage in this conversation with me. You are assuming things and making your own reality." After pondering on this and counseling with some friends in leadership positions such as my good friend, Kate Asbill, I came to the conclusion that she was probably right. Yet, I also realized that there is more to the story.

Assuming things and making up our own reality is what all of us do. Each of us has had diverse experiences that cause us to operate from a different "awareness wheel" as my friend Connie Frisch would often remind me.

Therefore, when someone has the courage to come to us honestly expressing how he or she is seeing things, rather than cut off the conversation because we don't see it that way, we have a prime opportunity to open up an engaging and healthy dialogue and conversation. It starts by saying, "I'm so sorry you are seeing things that way. Help me to understand what is making you see things that way." This type of response has the potential to not only strengthen the relationship but also to help both learn how to be better communicators and leaders.

I don't write this today to be critical of this leader as each of us is at a different point on the leadership continuum. I write it because of the lesson I learned on how I need to respond better and more productively when others courageously approach me with their assumptions and own reality.

Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

Last week the Utah Jazz won two of two playoff games against the Houston Rockets in Houston. All of a sudden Utah newscasters were predicting that it would be a sweep. That truly surprised me if they had been watching the games. Although the Jazz won both games, both games were extremely close. Also, both teams looked pretty equal. Therefore, either team could possibly win on any given night.
The Jazz team members actually realized this--At least, much better than the media did. So it was the media that had egg on its face when the Jazz lost to the Rockets last night in the first game in Utah.
The lesson to be learned from this is that we can never assume that we have arrived when we still have a long road to travel to arrive at a desired destination.