You May Be Right!

As the immediate past president of an organization and still on the Executive Board I was having some frustrations with the current leadership's disregard for my recommendations but yet still wanting my help when it got in a bind. Rather than stew in my frustration I felt it was best to be assertive and express the frustration in as an honest and open way as I could.

My first mistake was probably relying on email to do this but relied on it as it was the only way the Executive Board was communicating. My second mistake was hoping that the current president would respond in a way different from her past track record. Although her response did follow a similar vein, her response did give me some food for thought upon which I have pondered.

In her response to me she said that she wouldn't "engage in this conversation with me. You are assuming things and making your own reality." After pondering on this and counseling with some friends in leadership positions such as my good friend, Kate Asbill, I came to the conclusion that she was probably right. Yet, I also realized that there is more to the story.

Assuming things and making up our own reality is what all of us do. Each of us has had diverse experiences that cause us to operate from a different "awareness wheel" as my friend Connie Frisch would often remind me.

Therefore, when someone has the courage to come to us honestly expressing how he or she is seeing things, rather than cut off the conversation because we don't see it that way, we have a prime opportunity to open up an engaging and healthy dialogue and conversation. It starts by saying, "I'm so sorry you are seeing things that way. Help me to understand what is making you see things that way." This type of response has the potential to not only strengthen the relationship but also to help both learn how to be better communicators and leaders.

I don't write this today to be critical of this leader as each of us is at a different point on the leadership continuum. I write it because of the lesson I learned on how I need to respond better and more productively when others courageously approach me with their assumptions and own reality.