Doing the opposite of what seems the logical thing to do is also apparent in Karate. Rather than resist the opponent, Karate learners are taught to channel the opponent's energy.
Not only is this concept applicable to a toy and a sport, it is applicable to relationships. The book, Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin reveals how Abraham Lincoln was a genius on how to do this. After Lincoln won the presidential election, rather than keep rivals as far away from the White House as possible, he appointed them to high positions in his cabinet.
Lincoln included in his cabinet those who, prior to his election, were not just his major political opponents, but who viewed Lincoln with contempt. Edwin Stanton had even described him as a "long armed Ape."
Lincoln lived by what he said:
- "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?"
- "With malice toward none; with charity for all."
- "It is an old and true maxim that 'a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.' So with men. If you would win a man to your cause, first convinve him that you are his sincere friend."
- "A house divided against itself cannot stand." (quoted from the Bible)
As we strive to address the needs of our diverse learners, it is critical that we follow Lincoln's example. We can work through disagreements if we will apply the following attitudes and behaviors:
- It's not you versus me; it's you and me versus the problem.
- Deal with the conflict from where you agree--It's more effective to move from areas of agreement to areas of disagreement, than the other way around.
- Rather than striving to bring adversaries to their knees, bring them to the table.
- First get conflict and violence out of one's own heart and soul.
- Say things such as:
"I hadn't thought of it that way."
"You make a good point."
"You may be right."
In other words, do what my BYU professor, Dr. Julie Hite, admonished us to do, "Move towards your adversaries." A great resource for learning how to do this can be found at Izzy Kalman's website: http://www.bullies2buddies.com/ and/or in his book, Bullies to Buddies.
Lincoln worked so effectively with his four political opponents that he had appointed to his cabinet that at the time of his assassination, each had grown to love as well as respect him even though initially they had considered themselves superior to Lincoln in all respects. Edward Bates even described Lincoln as "very near being a perfect man."
Our efforts in following Lincoln's example may not bring the same accolades from our adversaries, nor should we even expect them to. That isn't really what matters. What matters is the benefits our diverse learners will reap because of our efforts and willingness to work with, rather than against, others.
