The Hearer Also Has Responsibilities

The responsibilities of the hearer of the message:

1. Always start with where you agree with a speaker.
2. Listen to the message and the heart of the speaker rather than focusing only on the words.
3. Don't get hung up on a word or a phrase that a speaker uses and take them out of context in order to take offense.
4. Check things out with the person directly as to what he or she meant rather than making assumptions.
5. Begin by erring on the side of trusting that the person has a good heart. In Alma 61: 9 in the Book of Mormon Pahoran responds to the chastisement of Captain Moroni by saying, "And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart."
6. Don't be easily offended and remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
7. Stay focused on one's own message and cause and give no heed unto those who would distract you or even attack you.

Those who would be remarkable leaders will be those who take responsibility for what they say AND for the way they listen to what is said by others.

Everyone Needs A Julie Eckman

Everyone needs a Julie Eckman in his or her life. Over the 30 plus years I have known Julie Eckman she has blessed my life in numerous ways:

• She sends me a birthday card each year telling me how much she appreciates and treasures our friendship.
• She listens to my dreams and hopes as well as discouragements as if she had nothing else to do in her life.
• She not only buys the book I have written, but she also reads it and shares it with others.
• She supports my many endeavors even when they are more than a little crazy in any way that her health will allow.
• She withholds judgment when my behavior is less than what it should be and focuses instead on my better self and my potential.

Research studies have indicated that people are blessed if they can count on one hand all the true friends they have had in their lifetime. I am blessed that Julie is one of those friends for me. My only regret is that in our limited time together Julie is so busy being this kind of friend to me that I have neglected being that kind of friend to her.

Listening to and Learning from Rhett Laubach

Once again Kevin Eikenberry has enriched my life! This last Thursday his company hosted a 60 minute guest conversation call with Rhett Laubach. The conversation call was entitled Listening Like A Leader.

In this call and on his "blog" Laubach suggested that the development of the following habits would help us become better listeners:

1. Provide value: We can do this by responding to the other person by saying things such as, "I agree 100%" or "Yes" or "Here's how we could maybe build on that." It also means suggesting a book or a person that might be helpful.
2. Change things for the better: While listening be aware of gaps that your expertise can help fill.
3. Serving others: Stop what you are doing and give the other person your full attention.
4. Make the most of every interaction: Start your conversations with others as if you were already in the middle of a conversation with them by asking questions and responding to the answers with more questions so they are comfortable sharing their life stories.
5. Knowing they don't know everything: Give someone else the opportunity to share his/her expertise.
6. Being available to others: Put yourself in situations, seek out situations, encourage situations and fully commit to situations where you give of your time to someone who needs or wants a listening ear.

Thanks to Rhett for helping us know where to go once we have learned the eye contact listening principle.

Note: Contact info for Rhett

Work: 405.216.5050 Mobile: 405.517.7385 Fax: 810.454.7556 rhett@yournextspeaker.com http://authenticityrules.blogspot.com/ http://pliblog.yournextspeaker.com/

Generous Listening

"You may be right." "That is an excellent point (or observation)." "I had never thought of it in that way." Who wouldn't like to hear words such as these after expressing a thought or idea? These kind of statements open up dialogue. From this kind of dialogue can come even richer and more beneficial conclusions.

Not only is this true for conversation, but it is also true for research. It can be quite disconcerting when research is used as a weapon or an opportunity to attack the work of someone else....and sometimes even going so far as name calling. When examining the work of others, it is important to be generous and resist the temptation to highlight its weaknesses and reject it because it represents a view different than one's own.

Being generous in no way means that one shouldn't observe with a critical eye. That is crucial. Yet, one is in a much better position to offer a differing point of view if one has first been generous.

Those of us who advocate for the importance of looking at education through the eyes of diverse learners and seeking ways to better serve them must set an example by generously listening to diverse voices, including those that are diametrically opposed to our voice,....and do so with the desire to understand. There is always the possibilty that we will discover "kernels of truth" that we can build upon to better serve our diverse learners.

Leadership: Continuing to Look For Better Answers...AND Questions

In spite of:

• A cry for social justice
• A fury to get teachers ESL endorsed
• An outcry to address the achievement gap
• An attempt to make it a university requirement for educators to take a multicultural education class

not much has changed in the education system and statistics across the nation still look pretty dismal for our diverse learners.

In a talk by Henry B. Eyring, "Teaching Is A Moral Act," delivered at the BYU Annual University Conference on 27th of August 1991, he quoted his father, Henry Eyring, a famous scientist. It was a response his father had given to someone who chided him for changing his mind (flip flopping) about an issue related to science but the same principle applies for those of us concerned about the education of our diverse learners. He said, "I have been on every side of this question, and I will get on every side I can discover until I get a better answer."

If we are to better serve our diverse learners, we must find a
safe place where we can look at every side of the issue without having our
ponderings attacked. Even though much work related to research has
been done (and we haven't even applied that!!!), the quest isn't over....and nor will it ever be. There will always be a better answer for those willing to take the journey and who have the courage to step out of a comfort zone and ask the hard questions.

In Stephen Covey's work he talks about a "Third Space."---where we come to conclusions that are better than either side of an issue can come to by itself. Yet, for this to happen at least one side must be willing to listen with open ears to the perspective of the other side even though he/she may be diametrically opposed to what the other side is saying or advocating.

There is a story about a man who wants to sell a lamp to another gentleman. Rather than telling the gentleman how inferior his present lamp is, he starts by having the gentleman describe all the wonderful things about his lamp. Then he shows him the new lamp. The gentleman himself sees the improvement in quality of the new lamp.

We need moral/spiritual leaders in the multicultural arena who will have the courage to not only speak out but who also have the courage to truly listen:

To enlist people in a vision, leaders must know their constituents and speak their language. People must believe that leaders understand their needs and have their interests at heart. Leadership is a dialogue, not a monologue. To enlist support, leaders must have intimate knowledge of people’s dreams, hopes, aspirations, visions and values… Leaders cannot command commitment, only inspire it. (Source: The Leadership Challenge 3rd Edition: Kouzes and Posner
pg 15)