Don't Be A Lobster

Yesterday I received an email from a dear Hispanic friend in response to a group we have formed to advocate for the improvement of the academic achievement and graduation rate of Hispanic learners. Her words, "To be honest I have so much hope that this project can bring the unity that is missing that I am even scared at my dream. I am trying not to get excessively excited since I know challenges will come but I have prayed for a long time asking for a miracle," touched my heart.

The word unity stood out. Not only do we need to unite across racial, gender, age, ethnic, and other boundaries, but there also needs to be more unity within. It has broken my heart to see the fighting and accusations that I have witnessed within the Hispanic community in my community.

I'm reminded of a story about lobsters in an open tank in a restaurant. A guest to the restaurant questioned the waiter about why the lobsters didn't crawl out of the tank and escape. The waiter answered that that would never happen because as soon as one lobster started to crawl out, other lobsters would pull him back down. Although we think of lobsters as solitary beings, they are really extremely social---They also hate each other. They are always kicking each other and fighting. Even worse, they are cannibals--they will eat each other!

Barclay says, "It is indeed, more difficult to congratulate another on his success, especially if his success involves disappointment to us, than it is to sympathize with his sorrow and his loss" and Maclaren adds, "To 'rejoice with those that do rejoice' makes a greater demand on unselfish love than to 'weep with those that weep,' because envy is apt to creep in and mar the completeness of joy."

Haven't we all witnessed people who make incredible sacrifices to reach out to those who are suffering who at the same time hurl ugly and painful accusations at those who are succeeding. How sad!

Way too often successful Blacks are called Oreos and successful Hispanics are called Coconuts--"acting white." Whites are not immune to their own kind of name calling. It is critical that we get past this kind of name calling if we are to help our young people of all ethnic backgrounds to enjoy the American Dream. In other words, we must unite and become one in our efforts.

It is also important to remember the words of Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Learning From the Athletes

In a BYU Devotional speech on May 23, 1995 Larry Echohawk, a professor of law at BYU, told of a great lesson he learned from LaVell Edwards, his BYU football coach. Edwards would tell the team, "The most important thing to success is not the will to win. The most important thing to success is the will to prepare." Edwards taught his football players that they needed to work as hard as they could Monday through Friday so that when they showed up in uniform on Saturday they would be prepared to win.

Even though Ronnie Price, a Utah Jazz player, wasn't one of Edwards's BYU football players, he, too, has learned that lesson. He is Jazz's third-string point guard, who averages less than four minutes a game. Even though his minutes on the court aren't many, when he's out there he gives it all he has and has given the Jazz a needed boost more than once. "It's not about impressing anyone. It's about being a professional and having to my job when my name is called."

Price added, "...watching the game never hurts, especially when you're watching good players. I'm fortunate to have an All-Star point guard in front of me and also a great leadership guy also in front of me with Jason Hart and Deron Williams."

There are some important lessons to learn from Edwards and Price when we're feeling underused and underwhelmed:

• Continue to prepare for the "game," so that when the opportunity presents itself to "play," we'll be prepared to make a contribution.
• When we are called upon to make a contribution, give it the best we can no matter how small the contribution appears to be. "Give what you have--it may be more than you dare to think."
• Don't stand around waiting for accolades. I have a favorite quote that says, "Give the best you have and then go on without waiting for a response." If we stand around waiting for a response, we miss opportunities to give more.
• Find good "players" to watch and learn from them.

Fostering Resiliency

Patricia Gándara says in her book Over the Ivy Walls:
"Our increased understanding of the factors that lead to failure has not appreciably diminished the rate of failure. Perhaps a better understanding of what leads to academic success will yield more fruitful outcomes….An important element missing from most research has been the insights which can be gained from an understanding of how students who don’t fail, in spire of adverse circumstances, manage to escape that fate." (pp. xii, 9)


What Gándara says resonates with the work of Martin Seligman on "learned helplessness" and with the work of others (Benard, Henderson, and Werner) on resiliency. Rather than a focus on deficits and causing our diverse learners to feel like victims, giving them the tools to be successful in spite of whatever happens to them will be more productive.


Nan Henderson shares what a young man who had spent most of his life in dozens of foster homes told her about what helped him the most. He said that it was the people along the way who gave him the message, "What is right with you is more powerful than anything that is wrong with you."


We can give our diverse learners this message by helping them to draw upon their resiliency. The new edition of Resiliency In Action edited by Nan Henderson can help us know how to do just that.


The book is divided into seven parts:

Part One: The Foundations of Resiliency

Part Two: Resiliency and Schools

Part Three: Resiliency and Communities

Part Four: Resiliency, Connections: Mentoring, Support, and Counseling

Part Five: Resiliency and Youth Development

Part Six: Resiliency and Families

Part Seven: Resiliency and the Brain


I haven't read the book, yet, but I have read Resiliency: What We Have Learned by Bonnie Benard, and it was excellent, and I've also read work by Emmy Werner. Therefore, this new book is definitely on my reading list, and I would highly recommend that it be put on yours as well.